Her question was for me, sincere and eager she pleaded while I waited for the pause. My answer in the affirmative came immediately, a full granting of her desire delivered with sweet enthusiasm.
But another voice answered, too. An antagonistic distractor from the backseat bent on malicious intent protested and denied her request, drowning out the words she had hoped to hear.
The tattles followed, fast and furious. "MOM! He said...and that I was a...and I want to...!!" and so loud was the crossfire zinging through from every corner of the van that she failed to hear my voice.
I smiled into the rear view mirror and, finding her eyes, urged her to silence. "Shh, just stop and listen, love, and you will know the truth. Stop. Don't listen to the rest, just listen to me. It is what I say that matters, it is what I answer that your life depends on."
It was a moment, brief among the others of the day, but my voice echoed the message I have sensed God wanting to speak to me as of late. I am a student by nature, always wondering, forever curious and searching out the answers to my questions and doubts and what ifs of life. So I read and I mine the minds of others that are seeking, looking for truths that lurk in the corners of gray that might shed light and certainty to my way.
The blogs and books and papers I scour all scream a million voices and choices but which is right, which is truth? And so bent have I become on absolutes that I have failed to hear the voice that really matters, the one on which all of life depends.
Looking back in my rear view at 2012, I would sometimes lose the smile of God bidding me come and learn, come and listen, come and linger. It wasn't that His smile ever went away, a scowling sovereign disappointed. It's that it faded from my view because it wasn't the object of my quest.
Knowledge became more than relationship.
I want truth and answers, I still want to know much about so many things. But not at the expense of knowing Him.
This year my one resolution is to seek Him first. The books and opinions and teachings of others still, yes. But only after I have read His words and learned His voice and sought His smile.
Because there is always noise and distraction and enough "squirrels!" to chase down every fox and rabbit hole. But there is one voice that speaks truth every.single.time. and His is the one that I want to recognize above all the rest.
