A Worthy Life

embracing warm winds and chicken wings

 

This week the weather is inching closer to what one would expect of spring, by the weekend we should have full blown bliss. Earlier this week we went outside to exercise our 10 day old chicks and capture the first swings of the season. I don't have a picture of me with the kids but after shooting a few of them, the would-be photographers turned the camera on their tired mama who had slipped back into bummy wear and her standard ponytail while steal wearing dangling vestiges of her brief time in fancier get-up.

Here's to bending the embracing rules just a tad and to the return of spring!

embracing looney toonies

I don't know which is worse: shopping with 3 animated kiddos or shopping with the idea that things must be cheap for me to be frugal but pricey enough to believe that whoever made the item received fair wages for it.

Not only am I fighting with 3 adversaries determined to pull me into every pet shop, toy store, and food stop in sight but I'm simultaneously at war with my own multiple personalities.

The boy attempting to bust himself out of mall jail I can handle, the girl doing bizarre situps while talking to her alter ego in the mirror is normal (by now), and the child trying to puncture her cheek with an accessory she hopes will rival the nose ring...nothing a trip to the ER can't fix.

My real trouble begins when I get into my van and drive to the nearest mall to find an economical yet modern solution to my need/desire for a new sweater for when I'm backpacking the Grand Canyon with  my husband on his upcoming business trip/honeymooniversary. (Need vs. desire depends on my mood/time of latest perusal of fashion catalogs/pinterest and the biz vs. honeymoon is my attempt to justify why I'm spending a little money on a plane ticket that will get me free ride while piggybacking on my husband's expensed hotel room. Too much information? Maybe but only if you went down a different trail with the whole piggyback/husband thing... ;)

It's getting incredibly harder to justify wants when I am more and more aware of the needs of others. Just this week I heard from our dear friend who left everything in the US to start an orphanage all.by.herself. in Vietnam. She asked us to pray for a woman who desperately wanted to abort her child because, with an unemployed husband, adding one more mouth to the other five she was already feeding didn't seem possible.

I looked at pictures today of a friend who recently returned from Uganda. A line of children snaked up the steps of a rusty slide at recess (tetanus shot anyone?) because it was the only option for amusement. Meanwhile we occasionally spend a few extra dollars to ensure our kids meal of happiness includes a disposable toy while zipping through the drive through.

One voice says it's ok, to spend a little something on myself once in awhile. The other says I already did and it now fills my belly, provides the roof over my head, and gas in my vehicle to take me from here to there.

One voice says, it was on the sales rack, good for you! The other says that that money could be given to help the many children for sale throughout the world.

Meanwhile, friends tell me I'm crazy, getting a little looney. There's only so much you can do. God knows. Pray for them.

But I have the means to help. I have the power to vote with every purchase.

And so, we leave the mall empty handed with heavy hearts. This discomfort amidst my comforts, it's not always easy. The solutions are not always as appealing as the deeply discounted sale tags.

But me and mine, we'll continue in the looney as we seek to save and share our toonies...

Disclaimer: Looneys and toonies are Canadian $1 and $2 coins. Just thought you should know...:)

Still Embracing with Emily.

spooning

That's my girls and me in an impromptu photo after an afternoon lounging on the couch with our good friends Ben & Jerry. This week has been a gift: beautiful weather, escapades out into nature, and, most precious, the privilege to kick back on the couch all scrunched up in each others embrace while we read or study.

Though I've now been a homeschooling mother for 5 years (!), I'm not one of those mama/teachers who pour over curriculum catalogs or is constantly readjusting the straight-back chairs with desks for optimal cerebral absorption.

The main reason I chose to keep me kids home is for a lifestyle of constant relationship, for my sake and theirs.

A full life education isn't just academics. It is exploration and discovery, not just about the world they live in but about themselves and how they fit into the world around them. Having them home with me allows us to learn together, me to learn their hearts and them to learn the necessities of life.

When they question, I can look beyond their verbiage and discover what is at the center of their concern. As they respond to what they are experiencing, we can deeper explore the finer matters of each subject from a more personal vantage point.

I heard a friend describe what she presumed our lifestyle is as loosey-goosey. I disagree. We approach each necessary subject with discipline and expect excellence. Yet finishing each within the context of our own time-frame and framework allows us plenty of time to learn outside the lines, to discover what is at our fingertips instead of what is written within textbook pages.

More than anything, the last few weeks have taught me how privileged I am that I have the choice to follow this lifestyle for our family. Yes, it is hard work, sometimes more consuming than I would like. But it is a path of little resistance for us, one able to be journeyed because my husband is the sole breadwinner and because I have the support and encouragement of a community of like-minded mamas.

For all the challenges we've met and tears we've shed over these last years, I wake full of joy and expectancy each morning because today I get to spend it with my kids close at my side. Each new dawn I am learning a little more of where this mama needs growth and ever grateful to my kids for the opportunities they provide to give me an ever continuing education in the school of patience, love, sacrifice, and wisdom.

I'll raise a spoon to that life every single day!

Embracing with Emily.

delight

Of all my children, you are the one who needs me the most. You are the one who wants me desperately near and available every second.

And yet, even in those moments of closest proximity, you are the one most likely to push away, to build a wall, to refuse to talk about what is troubling you.

Yet again at the closing of every day, it is you, bone tired in sheets all around, who begs for my kisses, who must share a prayer.

This week it became clear to me that those God has surrounded me with - husband, children, family, friends - often wink of His great love for me, how each serves as a personification of the eternal, undeserved grace and love God extends to me.

I see His wink in you too, my precious Eden, but even more that twinkle in my Father's eye when I roll my eyes heavenward in desperate demand for some help learning how just to love you so.

He knows just what He put in you, a little of me at that age with my love for folly and penchant for trouble. In you I see so much of me, so many of the same struggles I wrestled with at your age and I recognize the strong desire to do what is right even when all the while choosing what is wrong.

Look in that mirror, baby girl. It is you and me.

You while still in the struggle.

Me always by your side as a promise that God does grant victory and that He will use those eternal ingredients He gifted deep inside of you to make something beautiful of you, more precious some day because of the refining He is doing in you, and in me, today.

You are heaven's delight and so too are you mine.

Joining with Embracing the Camera and Five Minute Fridays.

embracing imperfection

Looks peaceful, right?

The only moment of the day.

The little one photobombed my eldest's attempt to snap a photo of the mama who had been snapping at her all morning. Putting her in the picture was the only viable compromise to her not giving me bunny ears.

While I semi-smiled awkwardly, Manu hammed away. First by pretending angelic slumber. Later by all sorts of snorts and googly eyes.

It was our only photo worthy moment of the rest of the afternoon.

I lost steam halfway to goodnight and so every misconduct, every imperfection from every kid earned each my full wrath.

The only repeat of the false moment above was a real catnap on mama's lap after a full blown meltdown and during room incarceration for the other three.

Ignored directions, wicked words, childish foolishness, slammed doors, doors left open, food spilled, shrill screaming...each was opportunity for patient correction, wise words to instruct and build up.

Except that I opted for the irrational mother act - screaming right back, hoping the volume would emphasis the gravity of each infraction.

I even shouldered my frustration and took it for the short ride to drop the girls off at Awanas. Another slammed door, an almost severed limb and I didn't hold back.

In the same parking lot that just week I had given my best Pharisaical look of disdain to a yelling father who couldn't hide his humanity and pull on the shiny mask we all prefer.

Later at bedtime, the girls said their sincere apologies. I echoed back.

We all agreed that tomorrow we'd try again and give Jesus more than elbow room in our self-filled hearts.

And to catch a few winks until morning gives more challenges and more opportunities to embrace love, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control...

Embracing with Emily...

motherhood ain't always pretty...

Sure, motherhood ain't always pretty but it sure can be darned funny...!

Regrettably, I am usually not present at morning devotions, an event that happens over breakfast with papa while I get my last few moments of beauty sleep. My presence for Sunday's devo while on a weekend getaway was regrettable for everyone else. When pops started off with the title, All by Myself, I took it as a personal invite to serenade the family with my best rendition of All by myse-e-elf, don't wanna be, all by myseeeelf! Everone waited until I was done but, alas, there was no applause. When I heard, We built this treehouse... it was, of course, another opportunity to break out in song, We built this (treehouse) on rock and ro-o-o-ll...!

No one has regretted my absence at morning devos since.

We hit up some outlets this weekend and all the girls scored new pea coats for a song (this time, not one of mine) at their new favorite store...Ooosh Koosh b'Goosh.

Somehow passing with flying colors came up this week at school. I am now inundated with requests for the actual test called, you guessed it, With Flying Colors.

With a full collection of books all things Star Wars, I fear I may be evolving into one. And no, not one of the beauties like Princess Leia or Queen Amidala. Nope, I've adopted the weirdo verbiage of Yoda..."Kids, don't forget warm to dress when outside you go!" Let's just hope my skin doesn't start morphing into a lovely shade of green.

My no-fail response when I want to put off a question from my kids is maybe. This week, however, my five year old lawyered up with, "Maybe is NOT an option! YES or NO?!?

Now, I'm being asked my the little people that rule the roost to vacate my computer. Fine, I'll just go find another way to waste time before starting dinner... :)

Embracing with Emily.

embrace the camera.quatro

These are the days of our life...

Rising from bed well behind the sun, spooning oats with cinnamon to warm our sluggish engines.

Squeezing in tight on the couch for math, hoping the answers slip from brain to paper.

Asking a sister to join in her play, knowing two imaginations are better than one.

Slipping out at noon to the gym, grateful for the hour of (ironically) respite.

Bellyflopping on mama's bed, discovering new friends tucked between turning pages.

Choosing joy when sorrow threatens, refusing to go down to the pit...again.

Reading this while laying beside my husband, deciding together how to live and love more like Jesus.

Supermodeling for the eyes that watch me, desiring to show them a better way.

Calling up a dear, old friend, lending her my prayers for circumstances that demand supernatural intervention.

Quoting movie lines here, there, and everywhere, wondering why they can remember enitre scripts after one viewing but not their multiplication tables.

Letting go of perfection, enjoying the good enoughs.

Shedding fear of what others think of me, accepting who I am and who I was made to be.

Creating moments and spaces of beauty and joy, enjoying now, here, them, this....

Embracing with Emily.

embrace the camera.tres

We were pushing the limits of time, coming home from a wonderful afternoon together with so much we still wanted to do: giggle more, sing at the top of our lungs, and not stop dancing until our tired feet stopped twitching beneath bedtime covers.

As always, some things we still needed to do: make dinner, practice guitar, and wrap up some schoolwork.

Instead of choosing one over the other, we joined together to do it all. I serenaded her while she practiced music, she kept me laughing while making dinner, and we both kept our toes tapping all night long.

The days pass too quickly into nights, the years have faded into a decade of motherhood for me. I have hundreds of days a year to cherish them and to teach them and yet today, I just want one more.

One more smile, one more laugh.

One more session of folding laundry together while chatting about the mysteries of blooming adolescence.

One more silly song, one more crumpled sheet found with words from a young song writer's heart.

One more struggle that leads to one more prayer.

One more fight that leads to sudden understanding.

Tonight I can no more push the limits of time than I can freeze the moments of here and now. I wonder sometimes at the coming days and years, how things will change. Will they always be for the better or will there be some worst?

The answers will come, in time, in tears, in celebrations.

For now, I have one more picture, one more time capsule of the pieces of my day that will become the pieces of our past.

And for now, it is my present and I cherish the gift.

Embracing with Emily.

embracing life, with two hands

I'm doubling up on linking today because, really. Isn't that the mama's life, doing a little of this while finishing up a little of that?

I homeschool my kiddos and so I teach them reading, writing, and math plus a little of the other necessities in life. Including but not limited to cleaning toilets, baking pumpkin bread, the location of Australia, what looks goods with camo pants, and how to brush your teeth without leaving a trail of toothpaste in your wake.

Those are the big and little things.

But the main thing? The main thing is stuff like the above picture, Emmanuelle and Mama connecting our hearts with God's truth while I occasionally stir the noodles boiling on the stovetop. Last night she was preparing to go to Awanas with the older girls while the boy headed to basketball practice. (His special date nights with God are on Fridays.)

Whether my kid grows up to be a math professor, a fashion blogger, a professional toilet cleaner, an NBA baller, or a Sunday school teacher, I want them fully prepared academically and spiritually.

Because, as followers of Jesus, their future vocation is only secondary to their calling: missionally connecting with others and sharing God's love.

Hopefully, the ability to double up on duties is in the genes!

Today, I'm double linking to 5 Minute Fridays and Embrace the Camera!

embrace the camera.uno

I love taking pictures. Of my kids, my family, your kids, you, nature, animals, houses...pretty much anything and everything.

Except me.

So when I happened upon this blog that reminded me to include me in the pictures of my life with them I knew this was a challenge I needed to accept.

This is numero uno in my weekly attempt to embrace the camera. Pausing mid-cringe at my reflection in the mirror and smiling instead. Forgoing makeup to notice the laugh lines. Skipping the shower after my workout because I'd rather squeeze in story time piled tight together with my kiddos on my bed.

Because this is real life as a stay at home mama: freedom and flexibility to care for my family, educate my children, make my home a place of hospitality, and pursue dreams while introducing them to theirs.

And right there at top? The place where I revive and rejuvenate (and occasionally sleep :) at night so I can get up and do it all over the next morning!

Have you embraced the camera?!